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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042188">Maturing Taste</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/everlovingdeer/pseuds/everlovingdeer'>everlovingdeer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Harry Potter Short Stories [179]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crushes, Embarrassment, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Crush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:33:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,431</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/everlovingdeer/pseuds/everlovingdeer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I watched his face from close by, hoping to see James in his features, if only to give some sort of explanation to my crush on the younger Potter brother. But I didn’t see it. All I could see was Albus. Albus who was cradling my hand like he was scared to hurt me as he murmured disinfectant spells and continued to recite spells until the cut was healed and wrapped in a plaster.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Albus Severus Potter/Original Female Character(s), Albus Severus Potter/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Harry Potter Short Stories [179]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1461751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>144</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Maturing Taste</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>FIRST YEAR</em>
</p><p>Regardless of how many times I insisted otherwise, Mum hated that she had to leave me alone. The Easter holiday was almost over and mum was supposed to take me to Diagon Alley to get some more parchment and other things that I needed before heading back to school, but she needed to leave. There had been a letter waiting at home for us when we got back from a day out, and something about the letter and the <em>super official </em>looking wax seal on the back had mum freaking out - even if she tried to hide it. </p><p>No matter how much she protested, I knew it was something important that had her packing my bags in preparation for returning to Hogwarts, even if there was almost an entire week left before school started. It had to be something important for mum to have fallen so unusually wordless and to have decided to ship me off to the Potters. Mum and Mrs Potter, who apparently had never been good friends whilst at school, began being friends after they shared the same room to recover from giving birth to their daughters. That was the story they told Lily and me when we asked them a few years back. They’d bonded in that room, and because of how often we were around each other, Lily and I had become quick and easy friends.</p><p>Even now, as we stood at the doorway of the Potter home, we were both grinning at the idea of a week-long sleepover. I knew mum was stressed out about something that was taking her out of the country, but that concern didn’t lessen my happiness at being around Lily for so long. Mum and Mrs Potter stood in the front door, talking and we, Lily and I, stood silently beside our mums. Not that we needed to say anything - we did all our talking through our excited exchanges of eye contact.</p><p>“Don’t worry Parvati,” Mrs Potter said softly to my mum, reaching out to clasp one of mum’s hands between both of hers. The tone she said it in threw me - why was Mrs Potter worried as well? I looked between the two women, who didn’t so much as glance at me. Even when Mrs Potter extended her arms for me and brought me into the house.</p><p>Reaching Lily’s side, I couldn’t look at her when she linked our arms together. I was too busy looking at mum who I realised was frowning for the first time today. I’d never - mum had never frowned so deeply.</p><p>“I’m really sorry about this, Ginny,” mum was saying gently, giving me my bag and I took it without a word, wondering how I hadn’t heard the waver in her voice before. </p><p>“Everything will be fine, Parv,” Mrs Potter said finally. Then, she added more softly, “You should go before you miss your portkey.”</p><p>“You’re right.” Mum leaned down, reaching out her arms towards me and I went willingly into them. I didn’t know what was going on, or why mum was clinging so tightly to me, but I held her just as tight. It was like I couldn’t get the words out, so I just nodded against her shoulder as she spoke, “I’ve put the money for your Diagon Alley trip into your bag and your pocket money for the term is in your trunk - if you need any more owl home. Make sure you’re good.”</p><p>Finally, drawing back from mum, I managed, “I’ll miss you.”</p><p>“I’ll miss you too.” Trying her best to smile, mum could only offer me a watery one. <em>What </em>was going on? She kissed my forehead, murmuring, “I love you.”</p><p>Then she was standing, picking up her own bag and waving at me before she walked away from the Potter house. I leaned out to follow her as she walked towards the apparition point and kept my eyes on her until she disappeared out of sight. </p><p>Before I could even begin to miss my mum, Lily was there again, with a sunshine smile and warm hands to usher me into her home from where I’d stepped out again onto the doorstep. Finally walking into the house, I looked up at Mrs Potter who offered me an older version of the same sunshine smile as she shut the door behind me. </p><p>“Don’t worry,” she assured me, “we’re heading off to Diagon Alley tomorrow morning - just us girls. How does that sound?”</p><p>“Good,” I said faintly, my mind still on my mum.</p><p>“Hey!” a voice, boisterous and butterfly inducing, called out from behind us. We all turned, startled at seeing Lily’s oldest brother - and crush that I would <em>never </em>admit to - standing behind us. Just how long had he been there? I wanted to lower my eyes, to hide the way my cheeks were already burning, but I didn’t. Instead, I watched as James walked towards us and came to a still right in front of me, “I’ll look after you Novak so you don’t feel homesick.” </p><p>“Oh please,” Lily scoffed aloud, giving her brother a look that screamed ‘<em>stay away</em>’. I didn’t know if I was grateful for it or not. But, he didn’t listen to it anyway.</p><p>The fifth-year continued to approach us, coming a still in front of me and holding his hand out expectantly towards me. For one stupid moment, I thought that he wanted me to take his hand and I felt my cheeks burn even more at the thought. Thankfully, before I could embarrass myself even more than I already had, he reached down and took my bag from my hand without waiting for me to hand it over.</p><p>“Your mum must’ve sent your trunk over before you came,” he said as he walked ahead of us. Lily and I dropped into step behind him, following him through the house and in the familiar direction of Lily’s room. “Dad’s already stashed it away for when we leave for the train station.”</p><p>James peered over his shoulder, looking at me as if waiting for a response. Like every other time, he would get none - hadn’t he learned by now that his presence rendered me mute each time? When I still said nothing, he shrugged and continued up the stairs. Finally reaching the second floor, we turned left to where the Potter children’s bedrooms were. James and Lily’s voices filled the silence as they bickered back and forth about something that had some vague link to my presence. Without realising it, my steps slowed and I fell back behind the siblings but I followed them nonetheless.</p><p>Our path took us past James’s bedroom which still had it’s door wide open and we walked towards the next - Albus’s which had it’s door firmly shut. But it opened suddenly, just as I was passing it and I stopped still in surprise. Albus, equally surprised at having seen me, paused midway through leaving his room.</p><p>“Novak,” he said in simple greeting and before I could return it with anything James, who had reached Lily’s door, gave an expectant call of my name.</p><p>Without a word, I hurried forward to join the other Potter siblings who stood in front of the door. Lily, who had wrestled my bag from her brother, walked into her room and left me alone with James. I almost glared at her back, wanting to demand how she could do this to me when she <em>knew </em>I struggled around him. Instead, I couldn’t seem to look away from the handsome fifth year. Good Godric, it really didn’t help that he was so handsome. </p><p>“Let me know if you need anything else,” James said with a bright smile, ruffling his hair in the way so many girls swooned about. Not that I was one of them - only because I didn’t swoon. </p><p>Even before I could answer him in any way, Lily appeared to snag my hand and drag me into her room. Shutting the door behind her, she shook her head in a universal sign of <em>never going to happen</em>.</p><p>She finally pointed to where I knew the second bed was set up like it was before all of my visits and I turned towards it, surprised to see more than just my bag on it. Excited once more, and no longer focused on disapproving of my feelings for her brother, Lily bounced over to my side and chimed out with glee, “I got Dad to get us all these chocolates so we can stay up talking all night. He made me promise not to eat them all in one night - so we can just leave one.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>SECOND YEAR</em>
</p><p>Once more, the Easter holiday was approaching and I wanted nothing more than for it to pass without any incidents. Actually, what I really wanted was to be with mum. This time of the year, it was better for us to stay together and to let the holiday pass without any incident. Of course, there would be grief, but we could overcome it together and could handle everything <em>together. </em>We couldn’t exactly overcome anything if we were separated from each other. And we were separated from each other, because mum’s work was sending her abroad for work. It wasn’t like she could turn down the work either - not when our home was now operating on a single salary. At least this time I <em>knew </em>she was going for work - last year she’d claimed it was a work trip she was being sent abroad for. Last year the Ministry had sent mum abroad to identify dad’s body. Good Godric, no matter how much I tried not to think about it, my mind wandered back to it time and time again. </p><p>Shaking my head, I did my best to dismiss my thoughts, wanting to smile and to reassure anyone who cared to ask that I was fine. And many people did ask - the adults of the extended Potter and Weasley family all took turns coming up to me and speaking in that <em>ultra-soft voice </em>that adults used when they didn’t want to scare you off, as they checked if I was coping alright and that I could come to them if I needed anything. Each offer was met with an awkward smile and a silent nod. Nothing else. Thankfully, none of the Potter children had tried to talk to me about it, not even Lily who knew me well enough to hold me close and let me sniffle on her shoulder under the cover of darkness. Although, if I’d been asked even once, I would’ve told Mrs Potter that I didn’t fancy going to the Burrow to be surrounded by the large extended family. </p><p>And yet here I was, sitting under one of the trees in the garden, keeping well away from the cousins as they played around. They’d offered, multiple times, to include me and I’d turned each request down - I just didn’t want to bring them down either. There was nothing worse than having someone’s bad mood affect your own. Still, as I tucked my knees into my chest, I propped my chin on top of them and looked over the crowded garden.</p><p>There was laughter coming from every direction. Maybe this was the good thing about having a large family - everyone could band together. Mum and I didn’t have that, now all we had was each other. <em>Again </em>- I was thinking about it <em>again</em>. </p><p>Roughly clearing my throat, I looked for something to clear my head, just until I had control of my thoughts again. But Merlin, I really did have the worst luck because why else would my eyes linger on Lily’s Uncle Percy as he sat between his daughters, seemingly in the middle of mediating a squabble they’d had. He said something to them, something that had them both scowling at first before reluctantly laughing. I averted my eyes, blinking through stinging eyes and unable to look at them any longer. </p><p>“Here.” </p><p>Surprised, I looked in the direction the voice had come from, finding myself peering up against the sunlight toward Albus. He stood over me, watching me in silence and once more gesturing to the drink he still held out for me. When I didn’t take it, and just looked back at him in silence, Albus raised an eyebrow.</p><p>“Are you not going to take it? Last I heard, grandma made the lemonade specially for you?” He made a move to take it away, “Unless you want me to throw it?”</p><p>Finally accepting the drink, I took a small sip and then just held it between my hands. I expected Albus to leave, to return to whichever member of his extended family he’d been busy with before his grandmother sent him over here to tend to me. I didn’t expect him to take a seat next to me. Without a word, Albus settled down beside me, crossing his legs beneath him. </p><p>Fidgeting with the cup, I raised it to my mouth again and took a drink, just so I’d have something to do as I looked at him from the corner of my eye. For as long as I’d known Lily - and that was from birth - I wasn’t sure Albus and I had ever had a real conversation. Any conversation we’d shared had only ever lasted five minutes and not for longer than that. We certainly didn’t talk about anything deep. Not that we were doing any talking at all. </p><p>It seemed Albus was comfortable with just sitting next to me in silence and I was glad he wasn’t the sort of person to try and fill the silence with random talking. No, it seemed that out of his siblings he at least knew the value of silence. And it comforted me, in the strangest way, in a way that I hadn’t been comforted since leaving mum’s side. Maybe that was what I’d wanted, just for someone to sit next to me - not expecting me to talk, but yet I knew he’d listened if I did want to talk. Strangely, I did. </p><p>“Why did your grandma force you to come here?” I asked softly, setting the glass aside. Once more I gathered my knees into my chest, I propped my chin on my knees again and tilted my head towards him. “She was more likely to send Lily if anyone.” </p><p>“She didn’t send me,” he said simply. Albus turned to look at me then, unfazed when I continued to watch him in confusion, “I never said she did.” </p><p>“Then why -”</p><p>“How’d you get into trouble the last week of term?” he asked abruptly, taking me by surprise. His curiosity, startling enough on its own, had me looking at him like he was a stranger. And maybe he was - it wasn’t like I actually knew him. “I mean, Lily I could understand, but you’re not the sort to be so reckless, Novak.” </p><p>“Someone said something they shouldn’t have,” I said simply, wanting to ask how he could be so certain he knew what sort of person I was. “And because they were being a rat, I gave them the tail to match.”</p><p>Albus smiled then, it was slight, barely even a half-smile but it had me smiling in return. My smile widened when he gave an incredulous chuckle - just once before he caught himself like he wasn’t supposed to be laughing. Lily was right - he really was going through an angsty phase of his life. </p><p>Looking back to my drink, I took another sip, wondering if he was going to ask me something else or had his question been like a rare miracle that would only repeat itself after another 100 years had passed? A call of my name had me looking forward, immediately abandoning my drink when I realised James was approaching us. He was smiling widely at me and good Godric, I wondered if he knew exactly what sort of smile he needed to give me to get those butterflies in my stomach because he certainly gifted it to me often.</p><p>“Here,” he said when he got close enough, holding out an ice cream cone. Accepting it in one go, I watched as James took a seat on my free side, eating his own ice cream. He sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, using his nearest foot to touch the toe of his trainers against mine. When I gathered all the nerve I needed to look into his eyes, he asked, “How are you holding up?”</p><p>I wished he hadn’t asked and even if I wanted to answer the question, which I didn’t really, I was too tongue-tied to say anything. Instead, I just shrugged and made to look away from him, hoping Albus at least would say something only, I realised that Albus had disappeared at some point. Frowning, I searched the garden for him, before looking sharply back to James when he called my name. Merlin, had his voice always been so soft? </p><p>“Don’t worry about that arsehole,” he said and for a moment I thought he was talking about his brother. I prepared to defend Albus - not really sure what I was going to say, but planning to say something - when he added, “The rats tail suited him. And Fred and I dealt with him, so don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Smiling faintly, I looked shyly towards James as I murmured, “Thanks.”</p><p>He just winked charmingly in response, gesturing to my ice cream that was quickly melting in the heat. Glancing away from James, I focused on my ice cream, all whilst wondering when he was going to leave so I could regain some control without freaking out about making a fool of myself in front of him. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>THIRD YEAR</em>
</p><p>With the school year coming to an end soon, the castle was filled with equal parts anticipation for the holiday and dread. The seventh years, who were preparing to leave school and were to become part of the adult world, walked around the school with heavy footsteps. None of them wanted to leave, and every moment that passed was a regretful one. Every year under them watched them all with lingering eyes - some of the seventh years were known to snap if they asked the wrong question and others were known to fall into tearful fits. I made sure to keep my distance from the seventh years, not that I had much business being around them in the first place.</p><p>Even as we walked out of the classroom of our last lesson of the day, I kept my eyes ahead, searching out for seventh years. On the way into Charms, Lily and I stumbled across a group of seventh-year girls who were crying on each other’s shoulders, and we had somehow been corralled into offering them handkerchiefs we were never going to get back. But now, on our way out of the Charms classroom, I didn’t want to run into them again. </p><p>“Can you believe I have detention?” Lily demanded, bringing me from my search of the corridor. Turning to look at her, I struggled not to laugh when she let out a long-suffering sigh as if she had been wrongly accused of murder and was sentenced to a decade long stint in Azkaban. “Why did Professor Boot give me detention?”</p><p>“Maybe because you hexed Burton?” I pointed out, knowing she didn’t approve being reminded of what she’d done to deserve the detention in the first place. “The pair of you exchanged hexes in his classroom and he had to separate you. You <em>both </em>got detentions.”</p><p>“Burton annoyed me,” she confessed as if it was explanation enough. Although, to be honest, it was a partial explanation. As Lily’s closest friend, I knew the entirety of the situation with Burton - the two girls had a long-standing feud caused by Quidditch. </p><p>“Just look forward to the Howler you’re going to get tomorrow at breakfast.” Grabbing her by the arm, I watched from closeby as the realisation actually set into her features. Now that her anger had shifted away, she was thinking over the consequences of her decision and the howler she was <em>definitely </em>going to get from her parents. “Hopefully, the howler will malfunction.”</p><p>Groaning, Lily burrowed her head in my shoulder, even as we walked back to the common room. Laughing lowly, I reached up a hand and patted her hair. “What are the chances of that?”</p><p>“Well,” I paused, trying to remember. We took one of the shortcuts Lily’s brothers had told us about, beating the traffic and likely beating everyone else to the common room. “There was that one time your mum was so angry that the howler malfunctioned? I think James had done something, and whatever it was had angered her so much that she didn’t think straight when casting the spell to make the howler?”</p><p>“James had a laughing fit,” Lily recalled as we approached the common room. As I announced the password, she said faintly, “Not that it helped when mum found out and sent <em>another </em>howler.”</p><p>Knowing that Lily wouldn’t listen to anything I said, I kept my silence as we walked into the common room. I was right - by taking the shortcut, we’d bypassed most of the students on their way back from their lessons. There was hardly anyone in the common room - we were the only people here apart from a couple who were busy getting acquainted in the corner of the room. This way at least, we could nab our favourite seats before anyone else and once that couple stopped their making out, we’d be able to -</p><p>“<em>James?” </em>Lily’s incredulous, and disgusted call of her brother’s name brought me from my thoughts. </p><p>I knew I shouldn’t have, it wasn’t in my best interests and yet I looked towards the couple who I now realised was James and the only girl he’d ever been in love with. My heart, despite knowing it shouldn’t have, shattered into a thousand tiny pieces that I couldn’t have hoped to gather up. James’s … girlfriend - I assumed she was now his girlfriend - was the first to draw away, horrified and embarrassed at being caught. She pushed at James’s shoulders, drawing back from him even as he looked dazed and more than a little smug. The older witch mumbled some excuse that I couldn’t hear over the ringing in my ears and hurried out of the classroom. James, laughing and happy - <em>Godric, he sounded so happy </em>- followed after her, calling for her to wait up. His path out of the room brought his past us and he waved jovially, rushing to leave before the portrait shut on him.</p><p>It was only the thud of the portrait shutting that cut through the white, fuzzy haze that had overcome my mind. Lily, who still stood in front of me, gave an incredulous laugh as she turned to face me, wondering, “He’s finally gotten the girl.”</p><p>“Yes,” I said, mouth dry and doing my best to gather myself, “he got the girl.”</p><p>Lily, now that her happiness for her brother had taken a back seat was looking at me in <em>that </em>way - I hated that she looked like she pitied me. It was just a crush, a stupid crush that I was going to get over eventually. She called my name softly, like she didn’t want to spook me, and took a step towards me. But I shook my head.</p><p>“Lils,” I said walking back towards the portrait, “I’m going to pop by the library before dinner. I’ll see you in the hall, alright?”</p><p>Without waiting for an answer, I hurried away from her, even when she gave another call of my name. I walked quickly, not knowing where I was going, but walking with my head bowed down until I reached somewhere that no one else would be. It was so stupid, I shouldn’t have been this upset about a crush that would never be returned - I knew it would never be returned - and yet, here I was still heartbroken. </p><p>Reaching the paved courtyard and finding it thankfully empty, I approached the bannister and leaned my arms against it. Closing my eyes and bowing my head again, I breathed in and out repeatedly, trying to stop myself from crying. Godric, I did not want to cry over James Potter of all people. </p><p>Actually - it wasn’t that I didn’t want to cry over him because he was worth the tears. He was a good person and he’d comforted me and spoken to me and I actually liked who he was beyond the boundaries of my crush. He was worth the tears but I didn’t want my own stupidity to be the reason for my crying. </p><p>Regretfully, my ears clicked onto approaching footsteps and I tried not to curse. I hoped the person would continue on, would see me standing there and read all my body language cues and understand that I didn’t want to be bothered. But, a gentle call of “Novak” proved me wrong. </p><p>I remained where I was, not looking up and hoping the owner of the male voice would just leave me be. And, when I heard the footsteps come to a halt, I knew it was too much to ask for. Lifting my head, I realised that I <em>had </em>been crying and hurriedly wiped at my cheeks. Scouring the corridor, I realised it was Albus who stood a few feet away from me, holding his grandfather’s map in his hands. </p><p>“You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” I asked, watching as he folded the map up and tucked it away into his robe pockets. Shaking his head, Albus closed the space between us and joined me, leaning on the bannister next to me. He faced forward, looking into the empty inner courtyard and paying no heed to the way I was looking at him. “Why are you here?” </p><p>“Lily sent me.”  </p><p>Merlin, if Lily sent him, then he knew. If he knew then - </p><p>“It’s stupid,” I said abruptly, following his lead and looking ahead into the courtyard. “It’s so bloody stupid.”</p><p>“No,” Albus insisted, firmly and taking me by surprise, “No, it’s not stupid.”</p><p>“It is.” He gave a scoff, but listened as I insisted, “Godric, James must think I’m an idiot.”</p><p>“He doesn’t.” Albus leaned towards me, nudging his shoulder against mine, “No one thinks you’re an idiot.” </p><p>Horrified at the implication of his words, I turned to face Albus with widened eyes. He was looking at me, eyes clear and he even offered me a small, barely-there smile, as if hoping it would make me feel better. It worked, a little. But, I still asked, horrified beyond all belief, “Does James know?” His silence was the only answer I needed. “I’m <em>so stupid</em>.”</p><p>Albus reached out, taking one of my hands in his. Startled by the contact, and uncertain that he’d ever touched me before, I glanced sharply towards Albus. It seemed that was what he’d intended because he drew his hand back, just as quickly as he’d reached for me. </p><p>“You feel the way you feel, Novak,” he started steadily, “and that’s not stupid.” </p><p>“... well, I disagree.”</p><p>He gave a single, dry chuckle. “<em>Now</em> you’re being stupid.”</p><p>Unable to stop myself, I smiled. Albus smiled then, seeming relieved that I was at least smiling now. He reached into his pocket, drawing out a handkerchief and holding it out towards me. I accepted it, using it to wipe away the last remnants of my few tears. Folding it in half, I prepared to return it to him until I realised it was one I’d given him for Christmas. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>FOURTH YEAR</em>
</p><p>It took one bad date too many for the entirety of our dorm to decide that we needed to have each other’s back. First dates were a pain and more often than not they were awkward - not that I knew from personal experience, but from everything I’d heard from my dormmates. We’d come up with a system where the rest of our dormmates, the ones not going on the date, would ‘shadow’ the date, which usually took place in Puddifoots. This way at least, we could keep an eye on the date, making sure nothing bad happened and if we were given the sign - usually a coat being conspicuously dropped from where it hung over the back of the chair - we’d run up with an excuse to forcefully bring the date to an end. </p><p>Even now, four out of five dormmates sat, crammed into a booth and not even bothering to hide that we were keeping an eye out on our friend who was on a date with one of the fifth year Slytherins. The two were sat, talking over their teapot but from afar, I struggled to tell if the date was going well or not. Gilan, usually the life and soul of our dorm with a mouth that ran a mile a minute, was uncharacteristically struggling for words. Was she bored? Or was she shy?</p><p>I asked the question aloud, turning to Lily who was pressed against my side, “Do you think she’s feeling bashful?”</p><p>Lily, who didn’t answer me, had me looking to her for her opinion. I found her not looking at the table where Gilan and her date were sat, but rather towards the door. Nudging her with my arm, I raised a silent eyebrow when she finally looked at me. </p><p>“What are you even looking at?” I asked, glancing to the door and not finding anything, I looked back to her. “Lils?”</p><p>“Apparently Albus is going on a date,” she confessed and seeing my eyebrows rise sharply, she gave a disbelieving laugh. “I couldn’t believe it either.”</p><p>I struggled for words, not knowing what to tell her. It wasn’t my disbelief that had me looking so shocked. Rather, it was the strange way my heart thumped, like it was threatening to fall. The frown I wore was an expression of my own confusion, but Lily took it to mean something else, something that was more akin to what she felt. </p><p>“I’ve asked around,” Lily said with a shrug of her shoulder, “but I can’t find out who he’s on a date with. I didn’t even know he had a crush on anyone, did you?”</p><p>“Why would I have known?” I asked faintly, reaching blindly for my teacup and taking a sip of my now cold tea. “If you didn’t know, how would I?”</p><p>“I don’t know, the pair of you talk sometimes.” Before I could even tell her that we didn’t talk, not really, Lily reached out quickly and grabbed my hand. She was already helping me to stand, following the lead of the rest of our dormmates who were already leaving, “Gilan’s dropped her coat, let’s go.” </p><p>“What excuse are we using this time?” I asked, watching as Mazion and Harris rushed ahead, saying something quickly and likely speaking quickly enough to befuddle the Slytherin who could only look up at them in silent confusion. They had him preoccupied for long enough until Gilan was wearing her coat again and they were strongarming her out of the shop. Lily and I, having caught the attention of Gilan’s now abandoned date, offered him a faint smile before hurrying out as well. The last thing we needed was for the Slytherin to come up to ask and ask about an excuse we hadn’t been close enough to hear. </p><p>Finally making it out into the streets, we joined our waiting dormmates who were ready to head back to the castle. Gilan had already started to tell us just what had happened during the date and Mazion was quick to point out that Gilan should have used the signal earlier if she felt as uncomfortable as she claimed she did. We continued on our way through the village, towards the waiting carriage spot when we happened to pass Honeydukes.</p><p>“I just need to get some sweets,” I said aloud, bringing the conversation to a halt. I gestured towards the shop, explaining, “My supplies running low and with my period coming up, I need some chocolate to get me through.”</p><p>There were nods of understanding and I assured them that they could head back to the castle without me, that I didn’t know how many people were in the shop or even when I’d get back to them. Harris, ever the worrier, didn’t seem convinced but Lily assured her that I was capable of handling myself and they were heading off. I waved at them and then turned and made my way back towards Honeydukes. Hopefully, there would be few people there and I wouldn’t have to wade my way through a crowd. </p><p>Finally reaching the shop, I was quick to walk in and thankfully there wasn’t much of a crowd, and I’d chosen one of the few moments where the shop was near empty. I grabbed a basket, filling it up with everything I wanted and approached the till. Handling the transaction quickly, I grabbed my overly filled shopping bag and carried it out, happening to pass a large group of people who were headed straight for the shop. Thank Merlin I’d managed to avoid them. </p><p>Once more walking towards the carriage, I was a fair distance away when a carriage set off and I tried not to make a face - it would be some time before another one arrived. As I reached the carriage point, I realised there was already a dark-haired boy standing there, waiting, despite a carriage having just set off. Only when I got close enough and saw the side profile of the waiting student, did I recognise them.</p><p>“Why didn’t you take that carriage?” I asked as I dropped into step beside Albus. Putting the heavy shopping bag down beside my feet, I tucked my hands into my coat pocket to stave off the cold. </p><p>“I was waiting,” he said, copying me and shoving his hands into his pocket. His answer made no sense to me and I was about to tell him as much when he added, “I was waiting for you.”</p><p>Considering him with narrowed eyes, I asked, “Did Lily make you wait for me?” </p><p>“No.” At my blatant disbelief, he insisted, “I saw you walking out of Honeydukes and knew you’d wind up missing the carriage and that you wouldn’t want to head up on your own.”</p><p>He was looking at me, with eyes so honest and insistent, as if it was important I believed him, and I could only swallow thickly. Merlin, there was something really wrong with me. Clearing my throat and making a show of peering around him in search of an upcoming carriage, I couldn’t help but think of what Lily had said to me.</p><p>“Are you sure you should be waiting for me?” I started, without looking at him. “I’m sure your girlfriend wouldn’t like that.”</p><p>“Girlfriend? I don’t have a girlfriend.” </p><p>Finally looking back at Albus, I still couldn’t meet his eyes, even if for the strangest reason, I wanted to smile. Instead, I ducked down and picked up a packet of pear drops and opened it. Popping one into my mouth, I held the packet out towards Albus and he accepted one. </p><p>When Albus became distracted by the sound of an approaching carriage, I asked, “Rumour has it, you were on a date, Potter?”</p><p>I knew he heard me, and still, he didn’t answer me right away. He kept his eyes on the approaching carriage, not looking at me and his answer was almost lost in the wind, “It was alright.”</p><p>“Just alright?”</p><p>“Yeah, just alright.” He finally turned towards me then, shrugging as he offered, “I don’t think I’m going to do that again. Not for a while, at least.” </p><p>“Going on a date with the girl from today? Or dating in general?” Not wanting to seem nosey, and not understanding my sudden curiosity and the importance of his answer, I offered him another sweet. This time Albus was slower to accept one, even as he gave me a lingering look. </p><p>The carriage finally came to a stop in front of us. Albus bent down to pick up my bag of sweets, gesturing for me to hop in before him and I complied. We spent the rest of our journey back to the castle talking about anything and everything but I pointedly asked no questions about his date today. Even if I did want to know who he went on a date with. But, after Albus had walked me back to my common room and given me back my bag, I realised he hadn’t answered my question. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>FIFTH YEAR </em>
</p><p>“You look like you’re about to cry,” Lily said, peering over my shoulder to get a look at the essay I held in my hands. From the moment Professor Zabini had handed back my latest Potions essay back, I hadn’t been able to look away from it. At my lack of response, Lily leaned in to nudge me with her shoulder, “Novak?”</p><p>Finally looking up from the essay, I considered my friend and wondered how to tell her that I really <em>did </em>feel like crying. To her, to anyone really, it was a single essay, that meant nothing, it certainly didn’t count towards the grades we’d get at the end of the year. But to me, it was one big reminder that no matter how much effort I put in, it was pointless. I could spend countless hours working on an essay, I could draft and redraft and <em>redraft </em>an essay and in the end, it would all be a waste of time, the extra effort wouldn’t raise my grade from a measly A. The single letter grade stared back at me, taunting me as if I needed any reminding that to work in the career I currently had my eyes on, I needed to get at least an EE in O.W.L. level Potions, and I was a long way off from that. </p><p>“I need to get my grade up,” I said definitively, ignoring the way Lily rolled her eyes. She’d heard me declare that exact sentence multiple times during the Potions lessons we shared but I’d never meant it as much as I did today. “It’s not just the essay writing I need to improve at, my practical skills suck as well. Godric, I need to get an EE.”</p><p>“Well,” Lily trailed off contemplatively, folding her own essay in half before I could get a look at her grade and tucking the essay into her bag as the lesson drew to a close. We stood together as she said, “Albus is good at Potions - annoyingly good at it. If you want, I can talk to him and see if he’ll help?”</p><p>“<em>No!” </em>The force of my answer took the pair of us by surprise. Gathering myself, and speaking softer now, we turned into the crowded corridor as I insisted, “I don’t want him to know how rubbish I am at Potions.” </p><p>“Why not?” Lily, not understanding my aversion, and I certainly didn’t understand it either, bulldozed ahead, “Don’t be embarrassed, he’s seen too much of you for you to be concerned about needing tutoring.”</p><p>Good Godric, I hadn’t realised until she’d pointed it out, but he had. He <em>had </em>seen me in my most awkward and embarrassing situations because of how often I was around his sister, or at his home. And although I didn’t want it, I <em>really </em>didn’t want it, a sequence of all the embarrassing events he’d witnessed played through my head. How was I ever going to face him again? No - how had he ever looked at me without laughing his head off? </p><p>I was quick to realise that Lily had made up her mind about asking her brother. Even when I took her arm, shaking it slightly as I tried to get her to understand that she didn’t need to talk to Albus. She’d acted like she agreed and I should’ve known her well enough to know she was only appeasing me. I should have known better. And yet, I didn’t. I was still surprised when, the next day at breakfast, just as I’d made plans for my Saturday, Albus approached the Gryffindor table and was quick to escort me away into an isolated classroom he’d booked out for Potions practice. Merlin, I <em>really </em>didn’t want to make a fool of myself. </p><p>Standing before a flaming bunsen and cauldron, I wondered if he noticed the way my fingers shook because of how nervous I was. As I chopped the ingredients, I took my time - far longer than strictly needed - to make each cut and peeked at Albus from under my eyes. He stood, dressed casually with his arms crossed over his chest and watching me with a scrutiny that would’ve put Professor Zabini to shame. </p><p>Adding the slices of squill bulb, I proceeded to stir the potion clockwise. Albus made a sound of protest in the back of his throat, startling me. But not as much as when he closed the space between us, coming behind me and reaching out to put his hand on top of mine. Did he realise that I’d gone stiff, startled by how close he was and that I was fairly certain I was holding my breath? Not wanting to freak him out and internally chastising myself, I let out a deep breath and did my very best to regulate my breathing. </p><p>It didn’t work for long. Not when he put his free hand on top of my shoulder, trying to get my attention as he said beside my ear, “Don’t rush. Take your time with stirring the potion.” </p><p>Not trusting my voice, I just nodded and waited for Albus to move back. Eventually, once he was satisfied that I wasn’t going to rush, he stepped away and returned to his previous position and continued his surveillance. I didn’t dare look at him, not when I was too busy chastising myself as the puzzle pieces fell into place. What sort of girl was I? Having a crush on one brother, only to hop to the next? How shitty … how <em>shameless</em>. </p><p>“Move on,” Albus prompted, breaking me from my thoughts. But I didn’t look at him, worried that if I did, he’d somehow be able to read my realisation in my eyes. </p><p>Keeping my head bowed, I returned to the chopping board and started to finely dice the next set of Potions ingredients. How could I - for as long as I’d been interested in guys, James was the one I had a crush on, it was stupid but it was almost my defining feature - I was the girl that liked James Potter. Even if no one knew that. And yet, here I was, crushing on his own <em>blood </em>brother. What did it say about me, if it took such little for me to - </p><p>“<em>Shit!”</em> Looking at my hand, I dropped my knife and watched in annoyance as blood bloomed from the cut I’d made to my finger because I wasn’t paying attention.</p><p>“Merlin Novak,” Albus said at my side in a heartbeat. He took my hand, lifting it this way and that so he could properly look at the cut. I watched his face from close by, hoping to see James in his features, if only to give some sort of explanation to my crush on the younger Potter brother. But I didn’t see it. All I could see was Albus. Albus who was cradling my hand like he was scared to hurt me as he murmured disinfectant spells and continued to recite spells until the cut was healed and wrapped in a plaster. Lowering my hand again, he lifted his eyes to mine, holding them and swallowing thickly. Clearing his throat, he stepped back. “You can get back to the potion now.” </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Albus, having decided that I needed all the help I could get, was resolute about us meeting more often so he could go through all the potions I could be tested on at the end of the year. Given my new understanding of my own unloyal heart, I’d tried to protest, telling him that he really didn’t need to give so much of his own free time to help me, that I’d even talk to Professor Zabini about arranging some proper tutoring. He knew me well enough to know that I wouldn’t ask our Professor - he’d said as much as he insisted that his own stubbornness wouldn’t let him abandon me when I was so clearly drowning under the expectations of O.W.L. level potions. I’d frowned, presented once more with just how horrendous I was at Potions, and to my horror, all it took was a gentle chuckle and a reassuring pat on my head to ease my mood. I was so fickle.</p><p> When I made it to the classroom Albus always booked out for our use, I paused in the doorway to see if, like always, he’d beat me here. He had. Albus was stood in front of the workbench, setting up a cauldron in preparation before moving onto the second. Whilst he was busy, I took the time to study him; he was dressed like it wasn’t the weekend. Albus stood, wearing a fitted white dress shirt tucked into dark jeans. Good Godric, I just knew today was going to be a battle.</p><p>“Novak?” Albus was looking at the doorway, confused as he considered me standing there. “Are you coming on or not?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” Hefting my bag up my shoulder, I took slow steps into the room, “Not to be that person, but I have another favour to ask you.”</p><p>“Even though I’m in the middle of helping you with your last favour?” He said it so seriously that I wouldn’t have realised it was a joke if I didn’t see his smile. When I nodded, he said, “What is it?”</p><p>“Do you mind standing over there?” I pointed to the outside of the room and before he could say anything, I hurried on, “I can’t focus properly if you’re hovering over my shoulder - it’s why I do so shit in the exam. Performance anxiety.”</p><p>He was struggling to fight a smile as he repeated, “Performance anxiety?”</p><p>When I nodded, holding his eyes and hoping he bought my reasoning, he just shrugged. Even as he made his way towards the vague area I’d pointed in, “If it helps you with your grade, then sure. I’ve already set up a cauldron for you, and I got my hand on an O.W.L. level textbook. The book is already open on the right page, so off you go.”</p><p>“You’re not going to tell me what to do?” I asked dubiously, used to him usually giving me a mini-lecture about the potion we were going to be brewing and the potential pitfalls I’d stumble across during the process. The information was always things I needed to know and yet, my eyes would linger on his lips, wondering if they would feel as soft as they looked. Of course, when I realised <em>what </em>I was thinking of, I was quick to look away whilst feeling like a pervert. </p><p>“No.” Jumping to sit on one of the desks, he pointed towards the textbook he’d left open for me, “We talked about it last week. Get a move on Novak before the cauldron gets too warm.”</p><p>Hurrying to comply, I abandoned my bag on the floor before hearing Albus tut. I picked it up quickly, setting it aside and out of the way - the last thing I needed was to trip over it in the brewing process. Snagging my hair tie from my wrist, I tied my hair out of the way as I did surveillance of my workspace to make sure that there were no hazards around - I didn’t put it  past him to purposefully leave something lying around so he could remind me of the importance of a safe workspace. Spying a knife that was hanging dangerously close to the edge, I pushed it more firmly onto the desk and didn’t hide the way I smiled when Albus made a low comment of approval. Merlin, I hated how the comment had me all giddy. </p><p>Consulting the recipe, I finally got to work, making my way steadily but patiently through each of the stages. Frequently, I cast glances into the cauldron to make sure that things were going well - too frequently, Albus commented - but I kept stealing glances anyway. I made it halfway through the recipe, pouring in a few drops of essence of daisy root. Replacing the topper on the small bottle, I set it aside and continued to look into the potion, waiting for the colour change that would signify it was ready for the next change. If I remembered correctly, depending on the power of the flame lighting the cauldron, the wait could last nearly ten minutes. Finally, and thankfully, after a short minute, the potion began to change. </p><p>I was too thankful too soon.</p><p>With a strangled cry, I moved for the cauldron when the potion bubbled violently, threatening to spill over. Albus leapt off his stoop at my obvious distress, approaching me quickly but not quick enough to stop me from grabbing the cauldron with bare hands in my panic. I cried out again, this time for a completely different reason and the cauldron clattered out of my burning hands, and would have burned my feet had Albus not appeared, snagging me by my shoulders and drawing me away. </p><p>Heart hammering in my chest and unable to say anything, I could only look at the spilt potion. Even though my hands were burning enough to bring tears to my eyes, all I could think was that I’d tried my best. I was so certain that it would work - I’d certainly double checked before I did anything and yet -</p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you?” Albus demanded harshly, pulling me even further away from the spilt potion, being careful to hold me by the wrist and not by my hurt palms. Raising my palms to his eyes, he peered over them carefully even as he continued his tirade, “You’re in your fifth year now - the very first thing they teach you is <em>not </em>to touch a hot cauldron with your bare hands so how -”</p><p>He fell silent at my sniffle. Refusing to meet his eyes, even when he lowered his head to get a look at me, I sniffled again and tried to keep my tears at bay. Now that the adrenaline had fled from my body, I felt the pain of my hands. It hurt like a bitch and - </p><p>“Wait here,” Albus said again, this time speaking softer and squeezing my wrists to bring me some comfort. I gave a watery nod but didn’t look at him when he left me. </p><p>Not even when he returned, bringing one of my hands carefully closer to him did I look at him. My eyes instead focused on watching as he spread some sort of paste, green and cool, with gentle fingertips across my reddened palm. He took his time, blowing gently to ease the burn.</p><p>“Tell me if I’m being too rough,” he said, barely a whisper as he moved onto the next hand.</p><p>Finally lifting my head to meet his eyes, I tried to give him a reassuring smile, “You’re not.”</p><p>He held my eyes again, before remembering the second hand he had to tend to. Albus repeated the process on my second hand before stepping away and screwing the lid back onto a tube I’d realised he’d retrieved from his bag. He took a large step over the puddle of spilt potion and returned it to his bag. Only after he’d magicked away the spilt potion and levitated the still hot and dirty equipment to the sink, did he come to my side. </p><p>Coming straight to my side, Albus stood there and looked like he wanted to say something. He didn’t say anything. Instead, he extended a hand to my face and with the side of his index finger, he brushed away a tear that had fallen down my cheek. “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I’m just an idiot, that’s all.”</p><p>“Stop calling yourself that,” he said so insistently that I could only nod and comply. </p><p>When Albus grasped my wrists again, lifting my hand’s palm up towards his face and proceeded once more to blow across the paste, trying to speed up the drying process, I wanted to search his features. I wanted nothing more than to catalogue his expression and try to decipher what the complex mix of emotions meant. But, I didn’t do that. I just asked, “Why do you carry that tube with you?”</p><p>“I’m a Potter,” he said, momentarily stopping his blowing. “We somehow wind up in ridiculous situations- it seemed better to be prepared than to regret it.”</p><p>“Well, thanks to your dumb student your preparations paid off.” I held my tongue when he lifted his eyes sharply towards my own again. Hesitant, I asked, “What?” </p><p>“Stop talking about yourself like that. The names you’re so quick to call yourself - stop doing that.” If I had the sense, I would pluck by arms from Albus, even as he held them by the wrist and cradled them against his chest, I would push him away if only so I could think. I struggled to think with him so close. </p><p>“You’re shirt,” I managed sounding like an idio - sounding like I lacked sense. Forcefully drawing my wrists back, I gestured to his pristine white shirt, “You’re going to get it dirty with the paste.”</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>“Why - why are you dressed like that?” </p><p>“I had an interview.” He turned his back to me, lifting the essence of daisy root bottle towards him. I watched as he summoned a small beaker of water and put a few drops of the oil into it. He waved his hand to diffuse the scent and drew in a long inhale. Turning to face me again, he raised an eyebrow as I continued to watch him - I wanted to ask him about his interview, or even to ask him why I didn’t know about his interview. As if I had any reason to know about his life. “The daisy root has oxidised, that’s what caused the potion to react like that. I’ll have to let Professor Zabini know and he’ll have to do something about the castle stock.”</p><p>“Oh.” So it hadn’t been my fault then.</p><p>Albus gestured to my hands, “Has it dried?” At my nod, he asked, “Are you feeling better?”</p><p>“A lot better.”</p><p>“Good.” Unbuttoning a sleeve at his wrist, he rolled his sleeve up past his forearm and did the same with his second sleeve. “You can sit this one out Novak. I’ll clean the supplies up and then we can discuss the theory instead, alright?”</p><p>“Let me help -”</p><p>Albus pointed silently and forcefully to the stool behind me, “Sit there and let the paste continue working. I’ll help you remove it in half an hour.”</p><p>Unable to do anything but nod, I settled back in the stool and watched as Albus cleaned up my mess. He moved quickly and purposefully, cleaning the lab and tidying everything away. My eyes followed his every move and if he felt my attention on him, he didn’t show it. </p><p>“Albus?” He made a sound to indicate he was listening but didn’t look from where he was returning the cauldrons to their place. “Thank you - for today.” </p><p>“It was nothing.” He actually sounded like he meant it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Yet another session was drawing to a close. Thankfully, this one was far less tiring and uneventful compared to the one before it. Throughout the entire process, Albus had stood, on guard and prepared for another disaster, and watched everything I did with close eyes. Compared to last time, his attention didn’t set me on edge. Rather I was grateful for it, like if anything could go wrong, he’d catch it before it happened, or he’d be there to help patch everything up when it eventually went to shit. It never happened. </p><p>It seemed that Professor Zabini had the essence of daisy root replaced and appointed seventh-year students with an interest in potions to search through the castle’s supplies and make sure that everything that was expired was thrown out and a list was drawn up. With the new essence of daisy root, the potion was quick to change colour and the potion was promptly completed after that. </p><p>I stood anxiously beside the cauldron, drumming my fingers on the tabletop and waiting for the final change in its consistency to signify that the potion was done. Merlin, I was tempted to give the potion another stir, just to see if the consistency had changed, but I didn’t want to risk it. Instead, I settled for keeping such a close eye on it that Albus gave an amused chuckle from behind me. But he didn’t approach me, instead, he continued to watch me until I was certain I’d spied the final change. Quickly switching the flame off, I turned expectantly towards Albus. The seventh-year took the cue, taking my place when I stepped aside to make space for him.</p><p>Worried, and clutching my hands together, I turned my back to him as he set about checking on the potion. I couldn’t look - this was always the most stressful part. </p><p>“Novak?” Slowly, with mounting dread, I faced him again. “75 points.”</p><p>“An EE?” I asked incredulously, unable to stop my delirious smile. Covering my mouth with my hands, I tried not to seem like such a fool - I wasn’t sure anyone else got so happy about a single potion. “But why not an O?”</p><p>“Rather greedy Novak,” he said in mock chastisement. He set about clearing up the potions equipment, explaining as I joined him, “Don’t worry about turning the potion off as soon as you see the change. You can leave the potion for a little while longer, it’ll develop and its effectiveness will increase. Just don’t leave it so long that it burns.” </p><p>“Got it.” Nodding and storing the comment away for later, I walked away from Albus with the hot cauldron levitating after me. Reaching the sink and getting rid of the remaining potion after following the correct procedure, I made sure the cauldron was properly clean. </p><p>Returning the cauldron to its place, I turned once more to gather my bag from where I’d set it at the beginning. I found Albus standing beside my bag, resting against the desk in a way that told me there was something going on.</p><p>“Get a move on, Potter,” I said, reaching around him to grab my bag. Slinging it over my shoulder, I prepared to step back and put a fair bit of distance between us. If he expected us to have a conversation, then I needed the space at least to have my heart behaving. </p><p>Albus reached out quickly, grasping the strap of my bag to keep me close by. Looking at him in surprise, and falling compliant, I waited for him to say something. I continued to watch him uncertainly as he let go of me and reached for his own bag. He rifled through it, drawing out a wrapped box and holding it out for me. I didn’t accept it, not straight away. Rather, I just kept looking at him, needing him to actually say something. </p><p>“It’s your birthday on Saturday. So happy birthday in advance,” he said, needlessly. I almost told him that I knew that, that I knew when my own birthday was. At my silence, he cleared his throat awkwardly, “I know I usually wait until the actual day to give it to you but -”</p><p>When he trailed off, I hurried to accept the box. Cradling it in my hands, I held it against me and said sincerely, “Thanks, Albus. You’re officially the first person to wish me a happy birthday.”</p><p>He offered me a small smile, “I’m glad I’m the first.” </p><p>“You beat Lily this year,” I said simply, making him laugh, remembering how wound up Lily got whenever one of her brothers beat her to wishing me a happy birthday. She insisted that since I was her friend, she should’ve been the first. I watched Albus as he laughed, and there was a question on the tip of my tongue that I really wanted to ask. But I also didn’t want to, for fear that the answer I received would hurt me in the end. Realising I was looking at him, his laughter faded and I knew he’d prompt me anyway, so I finally asked, “Does this mean I won’t see you on Saturday?”</p><p>“I have plans, with Scorpius,” he said so apologetically that I wanted to assure him it was fine, that I didn’t expect anything from him.</p><p>“It’s fine, Albus.” </p><p>“I can see you after.” Even though I shook my head, not wanting him to think I felt so entitled to him that I was upset, Albus continued anyway, “Once we’re done in Hogsmeade with Kraudel and Hodge we can -”</p><p>I knew he stopped because of the step I took away from him, and despite hating that I was so transparent, I was glad that it got him to stop talking. Because I knew all about Kraudel and Hodge - the two seventh year girls who’d been crushing on Albus and Malfoy almost since I’d first developed my crush on James. </p><p>“Don’t worry,” I said with a forced smile, hoping to stop him before he could say anything else. Lifting his gift, I made sure to overcompensate with my bright tone, “Thanks for the gift Albus and I guess I’ll see you if I see you - I should get going back to the common room before the curfew starts. Thanks for your help again.”</p><p>Before he could hope to say anything, to even give me his characteristic insistence that I didn’t have to thank him, I was heading out of the classroom and rushing towards the common room. I didn’t care that the portraits were telling me to slow down, I just wanted to put enough space between us that when Albus left the classroom he wouldn’t see me. The last thing I needed was for him to see me as I fled. </p><p>When I finally made it to the common room, I paid no heed to Lily who called out for me from her place in front of the fireplace. I just walked up to our dorm and set his gift box carefully aside before throwing my bag onto the bed. Lying down on the bed, I reached for my wand to close the drapes around my bed when I heard the door open. Even without sitting up, I knew it was Lily. </p><p>“Did he beat me to it?” she demanded, bypassing my bed to lift Albus’s gift. She turned the box this way and that and I just closed my eyes, not wanting to see the way she was judging me silently with her eyes. “What’s wrong with you? You usually open gifts as soon as they’re given to you.”</p><p>“It’s not my birthday,” I tried to evade.</p><p>Lily gave a scoff, sitting down on my bed and putting the gift back. She pushed at me until I shuffled across and gave enough space for her. I heard her close the curtains and cast a silencing charm around us.</p><p>“Go on,” she prompted, nudging my thigh with her knee. “Tell me everything then.”</p><p>And because my eyes were still covered and I wasn’t looking at her, I had the courage to tell her everything. I was brief in my explanation, trying to keep my self resenting to a minimum and then fell silent. Lifting my arm, I peeked up at her and found her looking at me with unimpressed eyes. </p><p>“It’s about bloody time,” she said simply, catching my hand when I went to cover my eyes again. She held my eyes, making sure I paid attention, “Do you know how bad it was to have a friend who mopes after one brother whilst the other mopes after <em>her</em>?”</p><p>“No,” I said instantly, refusing to accept it. How could I? “How can you even say that when Albus is going on a date on Saturday?”</p><p>“He’s doing <em>what </em>now?” Lily continued to speak her incredulity into life, but I paid her no heed. Not when I was too busy rolling over face-first into my pillow and lamenting that the Potter boys brought such heartache into my life. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>When Saturday arrived, I was greeted by an expectant Lily who for once, and only ever on this day every year, was awake before I was. She waited for me, holding a present in her hands and she didn’t know it, but I already knew what it was - but she could never find out. </p><p>Even before I could rub the rest of the sleep from my eyes, she was looping over towards me and making herself comfortable on the bed, nudging my leg out of the way. Realising that I was still lying down, she grabbed me by the hand, hauling me until I sat up and without so much as letting me brush my hair, she dumped the present on my lap.</p><p>“It doesn’t count, by the way,” she insisted as I took my time removing the wrapping from what I <em>knew </em>was a necklace that matched the one she now wore under her school uniform. When I looked curiously at her, she explained, “Albus didn’t congratulate you on your actual birthday, so it doesn’t count. So I’m number one.”</p><p>Any other day, any other year, I would’ve laughed and teased her about this need to be first. But today, this year, I just lowered my eyes back to the small box in my hand and opened it. Knowing that Lily was watching my expression, I smiled brightly and assured her, “I love it.”</p><p>Satisfied, Lily clambered off my bed and let me finally get dressed and ready for the day. Making sure to wear the new necklace, I walked down into the common room where the rest of my presents would likely be waiting. There were ones from my friends that I opened up and loved and there were ones from family which had me missing my mum and wanting to hug her. And then there was the final one from James, sent especially into Hogwarts and if I ever wondered if I had lingering feelings for him - I knew then that I didn’t. His present didn’t inspire the heart fluttering or even the giddiness that it had years before. Now, it inspired a warmth similar to that caused by presents from my other friends. Once I’d opened all the presents, I’d walked them back upstairs and left them on my bed, eyes lingering on Albus’s present that I’d left to open. </p><p>I left it wrapped and headed back downstairs to where Lily was waiting. She’d asked my plans for the day as we got to the Great Hall and ate our breakfast, Lily made a face when I confessed that I had no plans for the day. All I had to do was return some books to the library and then I’d seek some private timeout on the ground to read the letter mum had written to me. From experience, I knew it was pages long and it would make me miss her all the more, but it was always the present I looked forward to the most. Lily understood, knowing how important this letter was to me, and didn’t try to corral me into more <em>exciting </em>plans for my birthday. </p><p>After breakfast, I took the shortcuts to the library and returned my books, waiting impatiently for everything to be cleared. Once the librarian had assured me that they were all returned, I walked out of the castle and to my favourite part of the grounds - so I was sitting under the shade of my favourite tree in front of the lake. </p><p>The sun was shining and it was looking to be a perfect day and depending on the contents of the letter, it was likely to get even better. Well … that depended on whether I managed to stop my mind from wandering back to Albus and what he was up to, whether he was enjoying his date. Even - which of the two girls was there for him? </p><p>Dismissing the thought, I retrieved the letter and broke the seal at the back. I was right - the letter was four pages long, double-sided and everything I’d hoped for. Mum had started it like she always did with words of congratulations, asking me about what I was doing in the castle and slowly, it deviated into tales of my father. He was a man who was slowly drifting from my mind, it was horrible but in so many of my memories, he was a lingering shadow that I couldn’t remember. I’d been eleven when he passed and maybe if I’d been older, maybe I would remember him better - maybe even I’d have gone to great lengths to make sure I remembered him. But mum was doing her best to make sure that I remembered him, giving me these loving memories of them, of their courtship. They’d had the sort of relationship I wanted for myself. </p><p>Reaching the end of the letter, I breathed in deeply, struggling against the emotions that welled up inside me before I reached once more for the envelope. Carefully folding the letter again and preparing to stash it away for saving, I realised there was something else in there. I drew out a photograph, likely taken by my dad’s camera. The back of the photo had a date scribbled on the back - my birth date, and it was a short jump to realise that it was me, barely minutes old and cradled in my dad’s arms. He was looking down at me, bundled and hidden by blankets - with so much love that even as I looked down at it, I was moved to tears.</p><p>Clearing my throat, I tucked the photograph carefully away and stashed the envelope carefully back into my bag. Closing my eyes, I leaned back on my hands and tried my best to gather my emotions. It was such a strange day, I was officially sixteen and happy to be sixteen and enjoying the genuine high of it being my birthday. And yet, I was aching inside because I missed my father (and maybe a little bit because of Albus).</p><p>“Novak.” It was a gentle call but my head snapped around like it had been a shout. It didn’t need to be a shout - the fact that it was <em>that </em>voice alone, had me surprised enough. Turning, I found Albus as he walked towards me.</p><p>Guarded and uncertain, I asked, “Shouldn’t you be in Hogsmeade?”</p><p>“I got a better offer,” he said, sitting beside me. </p><p>“Then why aren’t you there?” Defensively, I drew my knees towards my chest. </p><p>“I am.” </p><p>Albus looked at me like he wanted me to say something after his simple answer. But I couldn’t say anything. The lingering emotions from before had my throat clogged and even if what he wanted from me was a simple answer, I didn’t have the mind to give it to him. He looked away from me for a moment, reaching behind him to pick up a small basket I’d only just realised he’d brought with him. Despite it all, I was curious and sat up straight to look into the basket in time to see him retrieve a single cupcake with a candle on it. Lighting it with a spell, he held it out towards me and continued to ask me expectantly. </p><p>“How did you know to come here?”</p><p>“Lily sent me.”</p><p>“What are you really doing here?” I asked softly, searching his eyes even as I wanted to curse at his sister. I was fairly certain now, but I needed him to say it. I needed him to say something so I didn’t wind up making an entire fool of myself. </p><p>“Blow the candle and find out.”</p><p>I looked at him for a moment longer before leaning in and blowing out the candle, keeping my eyes on him. Drawing back, I waited, watching as Albus returned the cupcake into the basket. And then, quick as the fleeting wind and prompting a startled gasp from my mouth, Albus took my face in his hand and guided my face to his for a kiss. Surprised but complying, I reached out for Albus, clinging to his arms. </p><p>Albus pulled back from me, searching my eyes as murmuring, “Happy birthday.”</p><p>“Lily officially beat you to it.” It was such a stupid thing to say, but he chuckled nonetheless, leaning in again to kiss me.</p><p>I did my best to focus on him, on the kiss, but on the inside, I was freaking out, wondering how in Godric’s name, this was happening. It was like a miracle, the fact that this was even happening. My pining hadn’t been so one-sided at all, and now here I was. Although Albus could never find out that this was my first kiss - he’d never let me live it down. </p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Epilogue: 2 Years Later</h2></a>
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    <p>
  <em>2 YEARS LATER</em>
</p><p>It was finally happening - we were finally graduating. I was equal parts excited and terrified. We were being released into the adult world, and after a couple of weeks break, I would be starting work and actually living like adults. But, it was our last day in the castle, the last day in our second home and the last day where we’d all be so easily gathered in one room. Our dormmates were all going to different parts of the country, working on different things and I didn’t know how I was going to function without having them all there to give me advice. These girls were my backbone, my foundation and my dearest friends. Good Godric, what was I going to do without them? </p><p>“Novak!” Harris called from further down the hall, standing with her family who were taking pictures for her. She had already gathered the most of our dormmates - only I and Gilan remained. </p><p>Reluctantly, I turned to face Mum who was fidgeting with my robes, smoothing them down to make sure they were in place. All day she’d been talking about how grown up I was, how so much time had passed and I knew she was forcing herself to keep back the words ‘I wish your dad was here’. I understood what she wanted to say, even without her saying anything. Hugging her closely, I propped my chin on her shoulder. Behind her back, I gestured towards Mrs Potter who since knowing of my relationship with Albus was always giving me a different smile to any she’d ever given me before, to intercede and take her away when I released her. </p><p>“I’ll be back in a minute, Mum.”</p><p>“Go and take your pictures,” Mum said, patted my back before pulling away. </p><p>I waited for Mrs Potter to arrive to take Mum away before heading off to join my dormmates. We crowded together, the five of us gathering to take as many pictures as I could. Mazion, always the type to quickly grow tired of taking pictures, kept them to a minimum and then we were talking, all making sure that we all had everything we needed to keep in contact with each other. </p><p>Just as I was double checking with Gilan the address of down in the Gower, Lily nudged me in the side. I turned towards her, finding her gesturing to the crowd in front of us. With some effort, Albus made his way through the crowd and I smiled instantly at the sight of him. At my side, Lily scoffed at my reaction, and went so far as to fake vomit when Albus returned the smile with an easy wink.</p><p>“Stop it,” I complained at Lily, excusing myself from my friends and meeting him halfway. </p><p>Coming to a still in front of Albus, I gave a delighted laugh when he pulled a bouquet of my favourite flowers seemingly from thin air and held them out to me. Accepting the bouquet and raising it to my nose, I let out a content sigh when Albus bowed his head to kiss to the top of my head. </p><p>“I thought you said you couldn’t make it?” I asked, drawing back so I could look into his eyes. </p><p>“There’s two people I need to see here today,” he reminded me, reaching out to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. </p><p>Over my shoulder, he gave a wave to his sister and across a short distance, I could hear Lily’s fake complaints about our unnecessary PDA. Really, she was the strongest supporter of our relationship. Shifting the flowers to one hand, I reached out to take his hand with the other. I marvelled at the contact, at his hands against mine - it had been so long since we’d even held hands. Merlin, long-distance was a killer. But we didn’t have to do that anymore.</p><p>Albus lowered his head towards my ear, trying to speak beside my ear so I could hear him over the sound of the chattering families around us. Only, before he could say what he wanted to say, he was sighing and murmuring an apologetic, “Grandma incoming.”</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” I said quickly, eyes widening and searching the crowd for signs of the approaching Weasley matriarch. Grandma Weasley was a force to be reckoned with and she had all sorts of scary ideas in her head about wanting to see great-grandchildren - regardless of the age of their parents. “Get me out of here. If she had her way, there’d be a promise ring or something.” </p><p>“Your wish is my command.”</p><p>Drawing back from me, he caught my hand and was pulling me through the crowd to leave his grandmother far behind. I peeked over my shoulder and managed to spy Lily who ran interference, embracing her grandmother and keeping her busy for long enough for us to slip out of the great hall. Just as we got out of the hall, I laughed giddily. It wasn’t over - I’d likely still hear about how I’d make a welcome addition to the family, but at least I had time to prepare for it.</p><p>Now that we stood in the quiet of the hall, I could properly look at Albus who was looking at me with eyes so soft that I struggled not to melt into a puddle. “What?”</p><p>“You’re giddy,” he said simply before teasing, “Are you drunk?”</p><p>“No, I avoided alcohol. It might be a sugar high though.” Considering my bouquet, I plucked a single flower from it and gave the rest back to Albus. With a spell, I cut the stem down to a fraction of the size and stepped towards Albus to thread the flower through his lapel. Making sure it stayed with a sticking spell, I smoothed down the lapel and stepped away. He was looking at me like that again - like I was the only person he’d ever loved. </p><p>“Sugar high?” he repeated, likely catching the way I was flushing under his eyes and at least today he didn’t tease me for it. Today was a rare respite. “You’ve been binging on sugar?”</p><p>“I got no sleep last night so I’ve been relying on it to keep me away.” Before he could frown at the confession, I insisted, “All our dormmates stayed awake last night to spend out last night talking.”</p><p>Frowning, he was downright <em>pouting </em>as he complained, “You’re going to crash on me tonight?”</p><p>“You have plans for me tonight?” I teased, tucking myself into his side. Accepting the bouquet back from him, I cradled it and slumped against him. </p><p>“Look at you, you’re crashing on me already.” He wasn’t really complaining. Albus let me lean against his side, wrapping an arm around and holding me close to him.</p><p>“Albus?” I burrowed under his arm, hearing him make a listening sound. “If Lily tries to tell you about a dream I had, she’s lying.” </p><p>“<em>What?”</em></p>
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